I am unsure about my own gener, but I'm afraid of identifying as anything other than cis because I don't think anyone would believe me. I have long-ish hair and I wear high heels when I'm feeling healthy enough for it. I am FAAB, and I like pretty things, Hello Kitty, etc etc etc etc etc etc I really could go on and on. So when I say that being female isn't quite right for me nonetheless, I am afraid of being accused of being cis and just trying to appropriate an identity that isn't really mine.

I used to say that my gender is "IDGAF", that I call myself female because society tells me I am female even though I don't feel any strong attachment to being female. I don't feel any attachment to being male, either. I don't feel as though I am something else, but at the same time, I don't feel gender neutral, either, though it looks like a nice umbrella to pidgeon hole myself under since it's the closest to accurate. I don't know what I am at all. Sometimes I've said that if gender were a colour, I'd have a very low saturation.

Although my name is feminine, it's in an obscure language that people don't recognise it as being feminine or masculine. (Nor would they recognise the masculine form of my name as masculine or feminine.) So I do occasionally get official correspondences addressed to "Mr. ___" I laugh because they got it wrong, but not because they're misgendering me, but because I know that society says I'm female and therefore they're wrong according to society.

Call me whatever. She, he, zie, they, it...."idgaf" really is the closest description of my gender I can find. And so I keep identifying as cis because it's easier. Not because of the privilege making it easier, but because it's easier than having to fight the queer community to say that I really am a part of the community. I've seen trans*people bully people over their gender identities before, saying they're doing it wrong or they're not trans* "enough" to count. I've read "Trans 101" essays that are very angry, very off-putting, very aggressively "If you're not one of us, stay the fuck out of our community, we don't want you here."

It's just like how I've seen gays and lesbians bully bisexuals and pansexuals because they're "not gay enough" and accuse them of appropriating being queer for attention or just to fit in. I'm scared of trying to investigate the trans* community more deeply because I'm afraid of being bullied, I'm afraid of getting no support whatsoever, I'm afraid of being told to get out.

What do I do?

And I know labels are for clothes and all, but do you have any recommendations for a more practical label than "idgaf"?

Gabriel: If you’re looking for a label that might fit, you might want to try “genderqueer” to see how that might fit. It all really depends on you. None of us can tell you what you are, so if pronouns don’t matter to you, maybe you could try writing about yourself using various types of pronouns to see what maybe sounds best for you. I hope this helps some.

Kyle: Honestly, and I know how hard it can be to not have an accurate label, why does it matter what label you use?  If that’s the only accurate label then use it when you can. Now on to the more salient part of your question—this isn’t something I can fully explore here, but please feel free to ask me more about it at my tumblr (thambos.tumblr.com)—I really don’t believe that appropriation is something to put this much energy into thinking about. I’ve put that extensive energy and deliberation into before on many issues, and every time I do I usually get an angry mob shouting at me, and then find someone in the concerned oppressed group telling me to chill out because it’s not appropriation after all. No one is the gatekeeper to any community, because every community has diversity and every community has ways to become a part of it or be exiled from it. And therefore, if you say you a part of the queer community (which is different than saying you’re queer), then chances are you a part of it, even if you haven’t found BFFs in it yet. You mention the word bully, and it’s true, there are bullies everywhere, like it or not. So try to steer clear of them, but at the same time don’t be scared off by them. If you keep connecting to folks you’ll find some folks that you can relate to, and that will show you that yes, you can be a part of the community.