TRANSPRIDE

In Need..

Hey guys,

So I am pretty hard up on cash, and I need a binder. If there is ANYONE willing to give away a gently used SMALL binder to me, [tri-top is preferable, but a tank would do fine, i am not too picky] it would make my world! I HATE asking anything from anyone, so as you can see I am pretty desperate….I have such chest dysphoria and I just cannot take it anymore. My dysphoria gets worse by the day.

If anyone is willing, message my Ask Box and I will surely get back to you ASAP.

Thanks.

Dear followers,

It has been a long, long time since we last posted, but we wanted to let you know that we (Kyle & Gabriel) are still here, even if rarely here. There are quite a few questions and submissions in our inbox, and I’m queueing those up as I type this. We haven’t yet decided whether or not Transpride will be revived to the level of activity we had in our heyday, but we will keep you appraised of our thoughts/decisions as we work on it. As always let us know if you have any feedback or would like input on our thought process (reblogging this post or using our ask box is a great way to do so).

As for what Transpride will look like for now, we’re posting submissions we received first, two per day, and after that we’ll be answering the backlog of questions ASAP. We apologize for the delay in answering these questions, and hope that our answers will still be useful to the askers, and useful to those with similar questions on their minds.

Happy holidays!

-Kyle

to idgaf anonymous: i've felt the same way for many years. "genderqueer" and "genderfluid" have actually turned into terms of convenience for me as they are the closest "labels" i can find. but what i like to think about instead is what audre lorde said, "“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” so if idgaf works for you-- go with it. Rather than try to find something the world understands, make the world understand YOU.
I am unsure about my own gener, but I'm afraid of identifying as anything other than cis because I don't think anyone would believe me. I have long-ish hair and I wear high heels when I'm feeling healthy enough for it. I am FAAB, and I like pretty things, Hello Kitty, etc etc etc etc etc etc I really could go on and on. So when I say that being female isn't quite right for me nonetheless, I am afraid of being accused of being cis and just trying to appropriate an identity that isn't really mine.

I used to say that my gender is "IDGAF", that I call myself female because society tells me I am female even though I don't feel any strong attachment to being female. I don't feel any attachment to being male, either. I don't feel as though I am something else, but at the same time, I don't feel gender neutral, either, though it looks like a nice umbrella to pidgeon hole myself under since it's the closest to accurate. I don't know what I am at all. Sometimes I've said that if gender were a colour, I'd have a very low saturation.

Although my name is feminine, it's in an obscure language that people don't recognise it as being feminine or masculine. (Nor would they recognise the masculine form of my name as masculine or feminine.) So I do occasionally get official correspondences addressed to "Mr. ___" I laugh because they got it wrong, but not because they're misgendering me, but because I know that society says I'm female and therefore they're wrong according to society.

Call me whatever. She, he, zie, they, it...."idgaf" really is the closest description of my gender I can find. And so I keep identifying as cis because it's easier. Not because of the privilege making it easier, but because it's easier than having to fight the queer community to say that I really am a part of the community. I've seen trans*people bully people over their gender identities before, saying they're doing it wrong or they're not trans* "enough" to count. I've read "Trans 101" essays that are very angry, very off-putting, very aggressively "If you're not one of us, stay the fuck out of our community, we don't want you here."

It's just like how I've seen gays and lesbians bully bisexuals and pansexuals because they're "not gay enough" and accuse them of appropriating being queer for attention or just to fit in. I'm scared of trying to investigate the trans* community more deeply because I'm afraid of being bullied, I'm afraid of getting no support whatsoever, I'm afraid of being told to get out.

What do I do?

And I know labels are for clothes and all, but do you have any recommendations for a more practical label than "idgaf"?

Gabriel: If you’re looking for a label that might fit, you might want to try “genderqueer” to see how that might fit. It all really depends on you. None of us can tell you what you are, so if pronouns don’t matter to you, maybe you could try writing about yourself using various types of pronouns to see what maybe sounds best for you. I hope this helps some.

Kyle: Honestly, and I know how hard it can be to not have an accurate label, why does it matter what label you use?  If that’s the only accurate label then use it when you can. Now on to the more salient part of your question—this isn’t something I can fully explore here, but please feel free to ask me more about it at my tumblr (thambos.tumblr.com)—I really don’t believe that appropriation is something to put this much energy into thinking about. I’ve put that extensive energy and deliberation into before on many issues, and every time I do I usually get an angry mob shouting at me, and then find someone in the concerned oppressed group telling me to chill out because it’s not appropriation after all. No one is the gatekeeper to any community, because every community has diversity and every community has ways to become a part of it or be exiled from it. And therefore, if you say you a part of the queer community (which is different than saying you’re queer), then chances are you a part of it, even if you haven’t found BFFs in it yet. You mention the word bully, and it’s true, there are bullies everywhere, like it or not. So try to steer clear of them, but at the same time don’t be scared off by them. If you keep connecting to folks you’ll find some folks that you can relate to, and that will show you that yes, you can be a part of the community.

Posted by Thamblr 6 October 4 Anonymous Permalink
I have a question about cissexism. That yes, I'm afraid to ask with my face attached. I am cis, but I am interested in learning about the challenges facing trans*people, reading about the things that concern trans*people, and trying to understand things as best as I, as someone who is not trans*, can. I want to reblog things I found enlightening that helped me understand, and if someone is trying to raise awareness for something to reblog it as well and try to help signal boost.

I'm afraid that if I start reblogging things to do with trans*people when I am not one, it will be taken as cissexist or appropriation or any of the other nasty things that white women who stick their noses into minority business are called. I'm afraid that if I start reblogging these things and people follow me because reblogging these things has caused them to think I'm trans* myself, I'm afraid that they'll accuse me of lying or pretending to be something I'm not for not introducing myself here on the internet with "by the way, just so you know, I'm cis!"

I know that I have privilege over trans*people and that trans*people can't be racist against me because of the institutional cissexism, but that doesn't mean they can't be nasty to me, and I'm scared of that. I've seen the tone argument used as an excuse to bully people before, and I'm scared of that, too. It feels like there's a great big wall, like if I try to educate myself then I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong and being a condescending white woman. But if I don't educate myself, how is that a good thing?

I don't know what to do. Can you offer me some help or advice?

Kyle: Firstly, I just want to point out that by “racist” I think you meant “cisphobic”—some folks say that “all oppression is oppression” but that simply isn’t true, and just because someone is oppressed on one level doesn’t mean they aren’t on another. So yes, I can be a victim of transphobia but I do still have white privilege among other privileges. Anyway, to the point of your question: I personally see no problem in you reblogging about trans issues. If you have on your blog that you’re cis then it’s there for those who look. As an example I have several friends who constantly share stuff on Facebook about trans folks because they have a significant other or a best friend who is trans. And one friend of mine would repost every single trans link I shared, and I just assumed they cared about social justice. Being an ally doesn’t mean you can’t be as engaged in our community as we are, it just means you have to be careful about respecting your role as a privileged person. And judging by this question, I would say that you probably can handle that line well, even if you slip every so often (and everybody does, it’s all a part of the learning process of being a social justice activist). Just make sure to keep educating yourself and know how to stand your ground of who you are and what you believe in.

Posted by TRANSPRIDE 26 September 4 Anonymous Permalink
Hello,

So for a long time I thought I was transgendered, (ftm) just because I felt physically wrong in my body. I would look in a mirror and not recognize it. I've never felt like a male, I've never felt like a female, so it was very confusing. I do not have any mental issues that I know of, but now that I am older how I feel sounds a bit crazy. I do not feel like I should be a person at all, I do not feel like I should have a body at all. Being a physical form feels strange and confusing to me. That's why I prefer being on the internet or playing video games, because I can detach my mind from my physical body and forget it for a while. I've always wondered if there are other people out there that feel the way I do. So much of how I feel is similar to how transgendered individuals feel, but its not about the gender for me. Now that I'm older and out of that puberty stage I know it has nothing to do with what sexual organs I have. Sorry if this question isn't really related, but I've never heard of anyone feeling as if they should not be a physical being unless they are crazy and screaming on the streets. I've never expressed these feelings to anyone for fear of ridicule but its something I live with everyday.

Kyle: Hey there, it’s not crazy at all. My answer isn’t going to come from being a trans person, but from a more new age perspective. Many faith traditions recognize that physical form is just one type of manifestation of energy—though level of importance changes between views, some people see everything in existence as simple energy. Maybe try looking into some communities exploring this type of thought and see what you can find; and if you find you still think you’re trans, the community will always be here.

Posted by TRANSPRIDE 23 September 4 Anonymous Permalink
One of the reasons why I think I identify as gender neutral (on the days that I do, anyway; I'm a bit more gender fluid in the long run, I think) is because it doesn't make a huge difference to me what my gender is. However, I was assigned male at birth, and identified as cismale for the longest time. Is it possible that the reason I'm not as concerned with my gender is just because I'm used to not having to worry about it thanks to cis privilege?

Kyle: Well, not being cisgender I really can’t relate so I’m not sure. I imagine that being cisgender is kind of like being gender neutral, since why would you think about your gender a lot if you feel OK with your gender?

Posted by TRANSPRIDE 19 September 1 Anonymous Permalink
My best friend is a trans* guy, and he has talked to me alot about the whole process of starting T and having surgery, and, as most people who hear about this do, I found it incredibly unfair, and stupid even, that trans* people have to go to a psychologist to have their surgery approved, but any idiot can walk in off the street and have himself turned into a cat the next day, and that cisgendered people don't need therapy to remain that way

So, as a show of support to him, I am planning on finding a psychologist, making an appointment, and when I go in asking how many sessions they think I should have before I can stay the way I am.

what do you think?

Kyle: This is a tough one for me to answer, because as an activist I think this is a great metaphor and gesture, but I also feel a need to recognize that such a gesture is unfair to whichever therapist you find should you follow through on this. Sometimes it’s better to find some way to illustrate this in the blogosphere or in a public action than to target a person who has to follow certain rules as part of their job, agreeing with them or not.
Now, it’s also important for me to note that while therapy requirements are controversial, they are not without reason. Therapy as a requirement before HRT and surgery is not to try and talk people out of their decisions, rather to make sure that there aren’t any reasons it could be the wrong idea. For example some people with moderate bipolar can have it become unmanageable on testosterone, and it’s better to treat bipolar disorder before HRT than to start right away. Other extremely rare cases exist where someone may otherwise appear trans but instead have DID or another disorder that needs to be treated instead.
Personally I do hope for a day when informed consent is the predominant model for care, but I also believe that there will always be a need to have therapists trained in transgender issues for those folks who do need additional mental health care.

Posted by TRANSPRIDE 17 September 3 Anonymous Permalink

All good things must come to an end

In 2009, Transpride became one of few group blogs created for trans people by trans people. It’s been a great two years, with tons of information being learned and shared with our 3,837 followers. We’re glad to have helped so many people and appreciate all the love we’ve been given. In addition, our team members and contributors over the past two years and have phenomenal.

Nevertheless, the blog has run its course and is due for an indefinite hiatus. Maintaining the blog to the standards that have been set has become a quite difficult task for the admin, and instead of doing a half-great job it has been decided to end Transpride as a constantly active blog.

Considering the mass amount of submissions the team receives on a daily basis, we have decided not to shut the blog completely down. From this point on, the blog will be used solely as an advice column. So feel free to continue submitting questions, and our three remaining members (Gabe, Shaan, and Kyle) will do our best to answer.

We’re sorry to see the blog go and hope that in the future we’ll be able to start it back up with full force. Until then…

Hi! We have good news we wanted to share: Our trans-themed project has surpassed its minimum budget funding goal on Indiegogo! And with 36 days left in our campaign, we are going to aim for our ideal budget so that we can have more breathing space to play and breathe in. We are on our way to making history and opening the doors further. Please support us again by Googling us at: Christina Pilot Episode Indiegogo. And then sharing the link with others to encourage them to contribute! :)

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Established in September 2009, Transpride is a blog for those who identify as anything that falls under the trans umbrella, as well as their friends, families, and allies.

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